Poem: A Dark Vision ( Day 21 )

The Challenge for Day 21

Today’s challenge is to “Write a Confession”. It could be about a time you messed up, maybe even felt like a failure. And here’s the important part…What have you learned from it? Could it help anyone else? So I decided to share a poem with you, one I wrote when I was going through a period of depression.

At the time, I felt so alone, so lost, so helpless. I remember looking at my reflection in the mirror and not recognizing the person staring back at me. It was as if I had left my body and no longer understood that I had any connection with the reflection. It was a terrifying experience, like falling into Munch’s The Scream and not being able to escape.

Trying to make sense of my feelings, I wrote this poem. It’s something I often do if I’m feeling overwhelmed. Other times I might draw, paint or journal. Whatever it takes to get the emotions out, to free myself of their power. Then I slowly get back to being Superwoman again.

A Dark Vision

In a dark vision, I lose myself.

The mirror reflects only a torn person,

A person whose very essence has escaped,

Leaving behind a bruised and battered shell.

What has escaped? Where have I gone?

Get me back into myself please, I beg.

This physical relic goads me, taunts me.

Where are you now? it screams.

A strange, unfamiliar sobbing

Confirms the confusion.

This is not me.

This is what is left behind

When spirit escapes the chains of propriety,

When muscle, tissue, blood and skin

Can no longer hold within

The seething ocean of pent-up pain.

In a dark vision, I lose myself.

The mirror holds my body,

My soul has drowned.

The Poem: Looking Back

When I look back at this poem, I don’t feel sadness or regret, even though the memory of the day I wrote it is quite vivid. That was a different time, a different me and I feel that I’ve come a long way since then. Also, at the time, it created a safety valve for me to explore my emotions and why I felt so bad. Seeing the words on the page made me realize that I needed help, and I went on to get exactly that.

So, when I read it now, I feel proud that I wrote it, proud that I followed up on what it told me. And do you know what the best part is? Being strong enough to say, hey, this is me, I suffered, but I found a way through. Learning to be brave has been hard, but I’m getting there.

I just hope that reading this might help someone else out there. No matter how badly you feel, you have a lot more inner strength than you imagine. Believe me, I know.

Day 21 of my 31 Day 500 Word Challenge, hosted by Jeff Goins. Poem: A Dark Vision

The photograph is my own, shot in Glendalough.